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“This is not my fault” ~ Knowing When You’re Not to Blame

January 17, 2012

Abuse. It snakes its destructive path through the lives of so many. Men and women, adult and children, young and old. There is no distinction. Carrying over from generation to generation there is not one of us who has not felt it’s sting, it’s potent power to level a blow on our self-esteem. Even if our experience is limited to a single encounter with a bully on the playground when we were ten, we understand how cruel people can be. Five seconds in the presence of an abuser can leave a cut so deep in our psyche that the scar remains for a life time. One single abuser can ruin the lives of hundreds and some victims never cross his/her path.

Child Abuse Statistics

“Children are suffering from a hidden epidemic of child abuse and neglect. Every year 3.3 million reports of child abuse are made in the United States involving 6 million children; that’s because reports can include multiple children. The United States has the worst record in the industrialized nation – losing five children every day due to abuse-related deaths.” http://www.childhelp.org

The insidious nightmare that an abuser creates in the life of the abused is the profound belief that they (we), the victim, are at fault. The abused go through life trying to “fix themselves” and wondering why they can’t even figure out what is broken. Even if the victim understands that their problems are related to the abuse, true healing can only begin when he/she can shout from the rooftops “This is not my fault. There is nothing wrong with me. I am a good person. I did not create this mess, I simply did what I had to do to survive the pain inflicted on me.” THEN…the abused can move on. THEN…he/she can say “I will not blame myself one more minute, I will turn my back on abuse wherever and whenever I encounter it and I will live in my strength and in my goodness. It is my birthright. I will block out the voices in my head that tell me I have no value. They are all lies.” The abused must take back their power, take back their life, take back their heart and soul. It belongs only to them.

If you have been abused, seek help. It’s impossible to go it alone. If you are an abuser, you are likely not reading this article, but if you know someone who is, encourage him or her to seek help and if they refuse, help the victim, they are the only ones who truly matter.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 22, 2012 12:35 pm

    ‘ “I will not blame myself one more minute, I will turn my back on abuse wherever and whenever I encounter it and I will live in my strength, in my goodness. It is my birthright. I will block out the voices in my head that tell me I have no value. They are all lies.” ‘

    Thanks Dorothy for the encouraging words of hope and healing. They are ones I am in need of on many occasions.

    • January 23, 2012 11:22 am

      More people than we might ever imagine suffer from abuse to one degree or another. The worst of it is the feeling that we are alone in our suffering. That we dare not tell. The we dare not speak about it. Giving it voice releases its grip on our souls. Thanks for your comment jazzminey.

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