A Grateful Heart

For some reason I stumbled across and read the post I wrote at the beginning of the new year. I think a little fairy dust was sprinkled over  me, or perhaps it was my muddy angel swinging by to get me back on track.

We’re half way through 2014, almost to the day since I wrote Miracles Await Us Every Day. I’ve been settling down and settling in this week, recovering from some of life’s rattles, shakes and tiny tremors that keep us moving and growing in spite of ourselves. So I suppose it’s appropriate to assess the path I’ve traveled and the one I’m traveling. I so want to live my remaining hours, days or years, whatever time I am given, in a way that is worthy of the gift of life that I’ve been given; not to squander, whine or wander too much or too far away from the life I was meant to live.

In my post I wrote, “I could walk into 2014 with a million plans and expectations for what I’d like to see come to pass, but instead,  I am choosing to start this new year with the continued commitment to follow where my heart and soul leads, and with the deep and abiding conviction that many more miracles await. I’ve come to expect them.”  I wonder today, have I been following this path?

The last six months have taken me to unexpected places and many miracles have occurred. I no longer carry the heaviness of despair and sorrow that I did, or the terror and anguish that stopped me in my tracks after the accident. This is indeed a miracle. I followed my heart and it led me to a path of healing. Still I wonder about the expectation part. Do I really expect miracles? Not so much. Expectation requires a level of trust that does not come easily to me.

As time goes by I am more aware of the regular occurrence of miracles in my life. While I have come to be less than surprised by them, I forget to look for them, to anticipate them, to expect them. I believe we have to feel worthy of miracles to expect them and I still do not.

I believe without question, for others, that a miracle is not about worthiness. It’s about love, about a benevolent universe, a loving force that dwells in and around all of us. This I know. This I can feel and sense and depend upon from somewhere deep inside of me. But accepting that this benevolence extends to me? Again, not so easy. A miracle is a gift and I’ve never been very good at receiving gifts.  And when it comes to miracles, so many need so much more than I.

I think it may become easier to expect miracles to occur when we begin each day with a grateful heart, to consciously acknowledge the gifts that come to us every day, and to be fully present to them. A practice of gratitude carves into our conscious awareness a confidence in a benevolent universe that often only lives deep within us in a place we only turn to in our hour of need.

Today I am content with the surprise bloom on a new plant, an unexpected message from my son, a few sweet, connected moments in a chaotic whirlwind of activity with my husband, a heart to heart conversation with a friend. Today I will not only be content with my new-found joy, but I will practice a grateful heart. I will acknowledge each blessing consciously. I will boldly celebrate it, not fear it, for I am learning to expect miracles.

© Dorothy Sander 2014