“Why are You so Damn Fat!?”
I don’t know about you, but I have been asked this question at least a dozen times a day since the time I was about eleven. I have been belittled, criticized, mocked, scolded and generally abused. That’s a whole lot of abuse!
I didn’t realize, on a conscious level, that it was even happening until I picked up Martha Beck’s book The Four Day Win on the recommendation of a friend who has lost 100 lbs. Those of you who know me know I’m a huge fan of Martha Beck primarily because she’s blunt, honest, extremely intelligent, well-educated and basically knows what the hell she’s talking about.
I slipped on my headphones and switched on my iPod to find my way to a thinner me and the first words out of her mouth were, “Why are you so damn fat!?” Her point was not to belittle me, after all it’s rare that in real life anyone would say such an unkind thing to another human being (except perhaps our parents or siblings!). Her point was that we say exactly those kinds of things to ourselves, over and over and over, day in and day out, year in and year out, not only about our appearance but behavior and choices as well. We are not our own best friend ~ in fact, we’re probably worse than our worst enemy! Why wouldn’t we soothe our wounded selves with a half gal of ice cream! (Incidentally, did you know ice cream doesn’t even come in half gallons anymore! That was not nice of the manufactures at all! ~ Yes, I am an addict. <— See? I just did it!)
What we tell ourselves day in and day out, in our constant stream of mental gibber jabber, is far too often not only not
nice, but not one bit helpful! Martha doesn’t mince words. In The Four Day Win she also comes right out and says what most of us think, “really people, who doesn’t know the basics of weight loss? Eat less. Move more. That’s all there is to it!” It’s not about the “perfect diet” or the “right exercise routine”, although they can be very helpful tools, it’s about the way we think and what we tell ourselves consciously and unconsciously.
It’s time to figure out what is going on inside our heads and in this book Beck promises to help us do it. I’m ready to see if she’s right! Care to join me?
Aging Abundantly | Women Over Fifty | Empty Nesters | Caregivers | Aging Gracefully 
Thank you, thanks you! I am very much looking forward to listening/reading this book. It sounds as if it gets right to the heart of what is on virtually everyones mind, all day, every day! Very helpful post.
I’ve gotten through the first few chapters and think I may listen to the whole thing through once and then go back and do the work sheets. I always like to listen (or read) her books several times because they are so packed full of information that requires action on my part! She has helped me to make significant changes more than once in the last several years. I hope she can do the same with helping me to help myself become more healthy! Let me know what you think when you read it.
I don’t know of Martha Beck (I’m in UK) but I like her style! It’s almost always in our head, isn’t it? I find saying to myself, ‘Are you hungry? Do you really want this at this moment?’ helps much more than telling myself things ‘you mustn’t eat this, you fat old bag!’
Thanks for the post!
Jane
I am so glad you stopped by and left a comment! I absolutely adore UK expressions and you cheered me up this morning for sure! I see that you are what we call here a Life Coach ~ Martha Beck is as well. Finding Your North Star and Steering by Starlight are wonderful and helped me a whole lot at a time when I was going through several difficult life transitions. You might enjoy taking a look at them. I have subscribed to your blog and look forward to getting to know you better!
That’s lovely! Thank you. Isn’t the internet a wonderful thing! I too look forward to our developing relationship! Here’s a Scottish expression for you:-
Lang may yer lum reek!
All the best,
Jane
🙂
Thank you! What does it mean?
I am a huge proponent of telling my inner bully to shut the eff up. It’s amazing how darned mean we can be to ourselves. We learned it from others who were also mean to themselves. Good on ya. Martha sounds like my kinda gal. I’ll take a look at the book and see if I feel like its a good fit for me, or if I’d rather spend the money on new clothes. Yea, Im at the buying new clothes stage after having lost 30 pounds over the past year. I am up for supporting each other however we can, Dorothy. Let me know how I can do that.
Sue
Good for you Sue! Sounds like you’re not in urgent need of Martha but she may help you keep the weight off down the road. I lost 60 lbs a couple of years ago and put it all back on over the period of time I was taking care of my mother and life crashed in around me. I’ve been struggling ever since to get up the courage to start again. It feels harder now than ever before because the goal is not a skinny, young thing – but a healthier old lady! I’ve learned from Martha’s other books that if I can change the way I think, I can change my life. So I’m giving it a shot.
Supporting each other is for me just about showing up in each others lives and caring. You do that every time you stop by my blog and leave a comment. Thank you so much for that! I hope I can return the favor.
you may not remember leaving a comment on my blog related to my weight loss journey, but i do. i post every friday and have a link on fb. hope i see you another time.
http://gettingtoreal.blogspot.com
sue
I do enjoy reading your posts on Facebook! I had forgotten that I left of comment but I remember now. Just had a “senior moment”!
Oh dear! I enjoyed reading this post but for some reason it has made me want to go and eat some ice cream. I’m going to as well 🙂
I know, right? The key is to do what we love so we don’t have time to think about food (and ice cream!)!
i really needed to hear this morning that we need to keep focused on what we love doing. thank you
I have to keep reminding myself of that Sue!